Waking Up My Desire
“Don't ask what the world needs.
Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
I've been drawn to these words above by Howard Thurman for a long time - for a while, they felt true, but I didn't know what they meant for me. Come alive? What'll make that happen?
Then, the year of my 29th birthday I was faced with a life question I couldn’t shake: Why can’t I touch myself? I doubted whether or not I was or could be someone sexy or sexual for most of my life before 30. This upsetting question was compounded by the fact that the thought of touching myself in any kind of erotic way seemed…well, wrong.
Much of my 20's I spent living in different countries including New Zealand, Spain and France. I worked at a Prawn farm and restaurant, cleaned vans, became certified as a Yoga teacher and learned Spanish. I taught English as a foreign language, I rebelled against living in the United States telling myself I wouldn't find happiness there. I was all over the map binge eating and spending hours in the gym.
One day as I was living in France, all of a sudden I knew it was time to come back to the US. My journey back to the states led me unexpectedly to the outskirts of Los Angeles where I heard the call to explore my relationships to sex, pleasure, and desire. And that where it clicked for me - having a strong relationship to my desire and my sex makes me come alive in a way that nothing else does.
This whole journey has left me fascinated with what it takes to shift from a life focused on "being good" to one that starts with me feeling good. In fact, I've gotten so excited about it that I am about to publish my first book, I Touch Myself, that dives in this topic. In the book, I share 11 valuable lessons I've learned on the path to feeling good, and the 5 Stages of Desire that have helped me step into bigger desires over time.
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